(grey) eyes filled with stars (crossed)
by Calligraphy Ink
Summary: devotion goes too far. - death fic. pre-reveal/relationship.


**A/N:**

 **Disclaimer - I don't have the copyright to Miraculous Ladybug or anything affiliated with it, and I'm not making a profit from this fic.**

 **author's tip, for maximum impact pls listen to Reconciliation from Steven Universe while reading**

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"Bye, little akuma," Ladybug snapped as she watched the white butterfly soar into the night sky.

This akuma had caused them much more trouble than the normal bunch; it had created a villain named the Knitter - an old lady who'd experienced some problems involving her knitting.

Unfortunately for them, her massive knitting needles had been sharp and employed with a level of dexterity one wouldn't expect from a normal old lady. She'd outwitted even Ladybug's Lucky Charm twice, and both her and Chat had taken blows from the needles.

Finally, she'd been cornered onto this solitary plateau of a rooftop with a Lucky Charm that sat uselessly in her hands, leaving her with no defense as the Knitter had approached. Her yo-yo was usually an effective defense, but the massive knitting needles had a large amount of magical force behind them - and besides, there were two of them. If Ladybug raised her yo-yo to protect her front, the other needle could simply attack from another angle.

Ladybug had stiffened, waiting for the attack in the hope that there would be an opening through which she could dodge, but when a needle came for her, Chat had jumped in front of it, taking the jab to his abdomen and then grabbing the needle with both of his hands, roaring in pain as he'd activated his Cataclysm. The needle had dissolved into shards of rusted, useless metal, and Ladybug had taken the chance to attack, with only one needle and a shocked Knitter to deal with - it was a simple matter to destroy the cursed tea cosy.

But Ladybug wasn't prepared when she turned away from the old lady unconscious on the roof - the strain of being an akuma taking a bigger toll on a frailer body - to see Chat Noir shaking on his knees, holding his hands to his stomach and—

There was so much blood.

"Chat," Ladybug gasped.

Chat stared down at his bloody hands, trembling with effort, and then he crumpled slowly in on himself and to his side. As if freed from a spell, Ladybug lurched forward, reaching towards him and dropping her Lucky Charm as she fell to her knees beside him.

"Chat," she said again, gripping him by the shoulders. She could feel the blood beginning to pool at her knees, its sticky warmth soaking into her suit. Her breath caught in her throat, choking her.

 _The Lucky Charm!_

Ladybug jerked her head around frantically until she spotted the Lucky Charm. Without even a thought, she snatched it up and threw it into the air, gasping, "Miraculous Ladybug, _please_!"

The shearing scissors burst into waves of red and pink light, flying away to fix all the damage the akuma had caused. The healing light passed right over their heads.

"No," Ladybug croaked, watching the light disappear without doing a thing to Chat. "No, this– how can– _Tikki_?!"

 _It can't do anything for him,_ the kwami's voice wailed. _He chose this outcome knowing what would happen. He_ accepted _this._ _I'm sorry!_

Ladybug swallowed this condemnation of Chat's fate with a fracturing heart and turned back to her partner.

Chat had managed somehow to roll back around, his suit now slick with his own blood. He winced and pulled his legs up as she watched. "I think I'm fucked," she heard him whisper to the stars.

A dry, wailing sob wrenched its way out of Ladybug's throat as she stood there, frozen, and Chat's head turned towards her. The depths of unfathomable relief in his face made Ladybug's heart shatter into countless pieces. "You're still here," he murmured. "I thought… you were gone."

"You stupid, damned cat!" she roared, voice breaking on 'cat' as she dropped back down to his side. Her eyes welled with tears until everything was such a blur that she could pretend that the blood wasn't there. "Why would I leave you."

"I don't know," Chat whispered. "You're right, LB. You'd never leave me." He closed his eyes and smirked crookedly. "I'm far too _purr_ -etty to be a stray."

"You and your damned puns," Ladybug whispered. She placed her hands against Chat's, trying in vain to staunch the blood. It felt thick and warm and horribly intimate under her fingers; her partner's very lifeblood was flowing out from under her hands. She could feel the tips of small, jagged shards of metal still inside him from the knitting needle he'd destroyed. Tears fell from her eyes to join the slowly growing puddle beneath them. "Please don't close your eyes, Chat. It scares me."

"Like the gaping hole in my stomach doesn't scare you?" Nevertheless, he opened his eyes again, still such a vibrant, beautiful, fiery green against his paling skin that it made Ladybug's breath hitch. They looked to her face and wrinkled at the corners in a smile. "You're finally holding my hands, Ladybug. To try and stop me from dying, maybe, but it's close enough. Do you know, there isn't a dandelion big enough to hold a seed for every time I've wished for this moment." His smile grew rueful as he gazed up at her. "Well, maybe not this moment exactly, but the holding-hands thing. I'm glad my last sight will be your face. You're so beautiful. But you don't need me to tell you that."

Ladybug flinched. "Chat, please, don't joke about this," she begged, pressing her hands more firmly against his own and flinching again when she felt the muscles beneath spasm in pain. To her agony, Chat's face didn't even twitch, the smile as lively as ever. Had he always been so good at hiding his pain? _Was,_ she corrected fiercely. _Was, not had been!_ "There's no 'try' about it - I'm not letting you die!"

"I don't think it's up to you, my Lady. When you find out who I am, please tell my father goodbye, for me. And… that I love him. I'm afraid he might think I didn't." Chat's voice was faint.

Heart jolting, Ladybug's eyes shot up to his, and the sight of the light in them already fading made her tremble with terror. "Don't talk like that. I'm not letting you die," she repeated, voice shaking. "I'm not."

"I hope so… my dear Lady. I really hope so." His eyes stared up at the stars for a moment before focusing back on her. "Do you think that you should, maybe, call for an ambulance?"

Ladybug cursed violently, reaching with one hand for her yo-yo. Chat was right; emergency services would be much more likely to save him. His minutes were already numbered - how much of his time left had she wasted?

"I never thought I'd hear words like that come _fur-_ rom such… beautiful lips," Chat said dreamily, eyes slipping closed again.

Ladybug squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, clenching the yo-yo in her hand. Its edges dug relievingly into her palm. "Tikki, call," she finally breathed, sliding it open. It was already dialing.

The call was answered almost immediately. "This is _Service d'Aide Médicale Urgente_ , please stay on the line. What's wrong?"

"Chat's hurt. Chat Noir," she said, and her panic began bubbling to the surface as if the emergency responder on the other side of the call suddenly made the situation _real_. "This is Ladybug. He's– he was stabbed in the stomach and it didn't heal and– I'm not sure how much time he has—" Ladybug's breath hitched in a caught sob. " _Please hurry_."

She sent the yo-yo down on the roof, heedless of the puddle of blood, so that she could return to having both hands staunching the wound. Everything was a blur, and not just from the tears, which were now flowing in full, unrestrained force. Her shoulders shook, making her fingers slip against the slickness of Chat's blood-soaked gloves.

He gazed up at her without focus, eyes as if they'd gone grey, the color drained out of them. "Why are you crying, my Lady?" he whispered, his voice so thick with confusion and distress and a strange _lack_ of the superhero named Chat Noir that a horrible, wrenching noise heaved out of Ladybug's throat. "Was it something I did?"

"No." Ladybug choked on a sob, pressing harder on Chat's wound without thinking. This time, there was no reaction at all. "No, you– you didn't do anything, kitty. You didn't."

Chat blinked at the tears that were falling on his face. "But you're still crying." He reached up to her face with a hand, having pulled it out at the moment her hold weakened. The tips of his claws trailed gently down the side of her face. "Don't cry, my Lady."

Ladybug bit down on her lip hard, drawing blood, struggling not to sob even harder at the sight of the childish pain in Chat's eyes, hurting because _she_ was hurting even as the light in them was dying. "I– I'm sorry, kitty, I'm s-so sorry," she stammered.

Chat pressed his palm against her cheek, smearing blood. His hand was so cold. "Don't cry," he whispered again. "Lady. Don't cry."

"I'm– I'm trying, kitty, I promise, I'm trying."

"Lady," Chat said, as faint as the night air. For the first time, Ladybug heard how much he was hyperventilating, pupils dilated in his wide-open eyes as his body struggled to hold onto life. "Lady," he breathed again, voice filling with fright. "Lady."

"I'm here, kitty, I'm here." Ladybug finally gave up the pretense of stopping his bleeding, which had already slowed anyway, and reached up with one hand to clasp the one Chat was still holding to her face. "I promise, I– I'm here."

Chat said something too soft for her to make out, eyes now blank and staring up at the stars again, and desperately, Ladybug leaned in closer.

"Love," he was breathing. "Love, love you, love, love," he said, again and again, scared and panicked as if he thought she might not hear, until it was only his lips moving, forming the words over and over again. His hand, as cold as ice, gripped Ladybug's so tightly that bones creaked.

Hearing the words was as if her chest had suddenly caved in; she crumpled in around Chat's hand, wrapping it within both of hers, shaking and heaving with sobs because of his words, something he'd said countless times before with a teasing grin or flirty remark, always with his cat-like, twinkling, lively green eyes - all things she'd brushed aside and taken for granted, all about to be lost to her forever, for the very same reason she'd thought they would always be there.

"I love you too, Chat," Ladybug managed, still feeling his hand gripping hers - _still alive, **still alive**_. She rested her forehead against his and squeezed her eyes shut so that she wouldn't drown him in her tears. "I love you, kitty. I love you so much. Please remember that. Please tell me you can hear me."

 _Please don't leave me._

She could feel him shudder under her shoulders. His breaths, shallow and fast and cool, brushed her lips. She didn't think he was mouthing the words anymore, which relieved her because it meant, possibly, that he had heard her. That he had understood.

 _Hawkmoth,_ Ladybug thought viciously, so utterly filled with loathing in that moment that it almost terrified her. _You just did the wrong thing._

At that moment, her Miraculous, whose alarms had gone unnoticed the entire time, finally gave out. Tikki was expelled from the pair of earrings in a burst of pink light and, seeing Marinette bowed over Chat, only touched her briefly on the shoulder before fluttering to the purse in silence to recharge so that they could retransform before emergency services arrived.

To Ladybug's infinite relief, Chat was still breathing when she first heard the telltale noise of an approaching helicopter. He was still breathing when she stood up and waved at it urgently, and kept on breathing as she moved the old lady who had been the Knitter to another side of the rooftop to allow the emergency helicopter to land.

The look on the physician's face, however, as Chat and the old lady were loaded onto the helicopter, told Ladybug that her partner probably wouldn't be breathing for much longer.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **idek anymore, i ended up sobbing typing this and got surrounded by piles of tissues ok... ... you're allowed to imagine him dead or alive w/e you want bc i cant end this definitively i can't.**


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